Humbled.

9:41 AM

Wow. 

Thank you for all of your emails, messages, phone calls... This is not the first time that I have been blessed with your thoughts and prayers but they are humbling nonetheless.  Some of you have already received the message below, but I wanted to put it on the blog for those of you who were blindsided by the news and have been worried about me, my state of mind, the emotional toll, etc.

I really am okay.  I cannot stress that enough.

I was sad on Tuesday when they confirmed the miscarriage, but I already knew... I just didn't feel pregnant.  At all.  (I think that those of you who have been pregnant can understand what I mean by feeling pregnant.)  Chris and I really only had one day to be comfortable with the idea of me being pregnant before I started cramping and spotting.  Had I not gone to the doctor to have my thyroid checked, I wouldn't have even known that I was pregnant.  I would have thought that I was just having a period and that thought helps to keep things in perspective for me.  I think it would have been a much different situation, for me, if I had been further along.

As miscarriages go, I've been told that mine was easy - little cramping, little tissue, only one day of heavy bleeding, no back or pelvis pain.  In fact, the way that I described it to my doctor she told me that it was just implantation (but I think we both knew that it was a little late for that!)  The ultrasound showed absolutely nothing in the uterine lining, so everything was removed on its own and there is nothing else to be worried about.

Many have asked why I miscarried (I have an weakened cervix, but it had nothing to do with that). Just like I told Chris, there is no rhyme or reason, only that God knew that this baby wasn't for us, that most of the time its because of missing chromosomes, and that's okay.  So many women miscarry and never even know.  An extremely high percentage women who miscarry go on to have healthy pregnancies and I have no doubt that I will be of those women.

The question that everyone wants to know - were we trying?  Yes!  I think that everyone knows that I have had baby fever for some time.  Getting pregnant was planned, we just had to follow God's plan this time and not ours!  I had only been off of birth control one month so just like with Cameryn, it happened on the first try.
 
We are relieved that there are not any other lingering health issues that could prevent us from trying again and in a month, we will!  We are optimistic about the future and we have a lot to look forward to in the next few weeks, including my 30th birthday!  Life is good.

Again, thank you.  For your tears, your hugs, your calls, your unwavering support.  I am so thankful for each and every one of you.

"Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right."    — Max Lucado (He Still Moves Stones) 

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