9:22 AM

Sometime around my birthday last year I fell off the "I ROCK!" bandwagon.  I felt terrible about myself.  My mood was cloudy and dark.  My attitude left much to be desired.  My self-esteem was about this big  and I gained almost 10 lbs.  When I looked in the mirror I was disgusted and angry about everything, but yet I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it.  November was kind of a break through month for me.  I realized that it was so much more than just my self-esteem suffering, everything about me and everything around me was suffering.  I finally talked to my doctor about meds and have been on them for two months.  What a difference they have made!  The days aren't so gloomy anymore.  I don't feel so overwhelmed.  I don't stress about each and every little thing.  I laugh.  A lot.

The past few weeks I have made myself start exercising again.  A few months ago, I would feel guilty about not spending time with Cameryn after being at work all day and wouldn't bother to exercise.  Now, I can leave knowing that I will be a better mom and wife for doing so.  Taking a few minutes each day for myself doesn't define me as a selfish person.  When I come back from a run, I'm happier, healthier, more patient.  When I exercise, I eat healthier. I feel better.  I make all around better decisions.  And because I am making better decisions, I know that my life will be more fulfilling and the moments that I spend with my family and friends are more worthwhile because I am actually there wholeheartedly.  This morning it's cold and pouring down rain.  A few months ago I would have a mood that had a strong resemblance to the weather.  But today?  I'm okay.   I'm me.
This morning as I was getting dressed I noticed that I can feel and see muscle tone again.  I jumped right back on that "I ROCK" bandwagon, because I do. 
I did it.
For me. 
For Chris. 
For Cameryn.
But mostly, for me.  And it's okay to say that.

Please, hold me accountable.  Don't let me fall off again. 

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