Accountability.

9:22 AM

Sometime around my birthday last year I fell off the "I ROCK!" bandwagon.  I felt terrible about myself.  My mood was cloudy and dark.  My attitude left much to be desired.  My self-esteem was about this big  and I gained almost 10 lbs.  When I looked in the mirror I was disgusted and angry about everything, but yet I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it.  November was kind of a break through month for me.  I realized that it was so much more than just my self-esteem suffering, everything about me and everything around me was suffering.  I finally talked to my doctor about meds and have been on them for two months.  What a difference they have made!  The days aren't so gloomy anymore.  I don't feel so overwhelmed.  I don't stress about each and every little thing.  I laugh.  A lot.

The past few weeks I have made myself start exercising again.  A few months ago, I would feel guilty about not spending time with Cameryn after being at work all day and wouldn't bother to exercise.  Now, I can leave knowing that I will be a better mom and wife for doing so.  Taking a few minutes each day for myself doesn't define me as a selfish person.  When I come back from a run, I'm happier, healthier, more patient.  When I exercise, I eat healthier. I feel better.  I make all around better decisions.  And because I am making better decisions, I know that my life will be more fulfilling and the moments that I spend with my family and friends are more worthwhile because I am actually there wholeheartedly.  This morning it's cold and pouring down rain.  A few months ago I would have a mood that had a strong resemblance to the weather.  But today?  I'm okay.   I'm me.
This morning as I was getting dressed I noticed that I can feel and see muscle tone again.  I jumped right back on that "I ROCK" bandwagon, because I do. 
I did it.
For me. 
For Chris. 
For Cameryn.
But mostly, for me.  And it's okay to say that.

Please, hold me accountable.  Don't let me fall off again. 

You Might Also Like

0 comments

Instagram