The Mothership

9:33 AM

I'm not myself.
I haven't been for quite some time. 
I cannot pinpoint why I feel this way or place blame on anything or anyone, other than myself. 
I just feel... blah. 
Bothered by the little things. 
Bothered by the big things. 
Stressed about work because I know that I am not given work that challenges me. 
Stressed about finances because we are barely making ends meet.  
Stressed because sometimes I don't know if my husband will ever get out of this sucky job. 
Stressed because my child is a toddler.  Stubborn.  She refuses to sleep.  Therefore, I'm tired.  I'm up with her every night, multiple times.  I'm worn.  Some nights I listen to her scream and cry for hours. 
Stressed because I never get a break from her.  And I need a break from her.
So many days I feel like I am on the verge of tears.  I feel like I'm barely hanging on. 

I can put a smile on my face and go about my day and make a conscious decision to be positive, feel blessed, know that God is holding my hand and leading me down His path.  But this feeling, it's bigger than that.  

I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for the first week in December.  I am going to talk to her about an anti-depressant.  I'm not ashamed of that.  I don't expect the world around me to understand.  But I would appreciate a little respect in the meantime.   I'm doing what I can.

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