Note to self...Order a catcher's mitt.

3:41 PM

The weekend is over.  Thank goodness.  I'm so glad to be out of my house and away from my child.  But it's Halloween, which means that it may get worse before its gets better since she will be full of sugar and sassiness before the night is over!
Here is the weekend review.  It's not fun.  I warned you.

Chris kept Cameryn home on Friday since he was off work.  They played outside, ran some errands, she took a nap.  She was an angel.  "Do you think she'll be good for you this weekend since I have to work?" he asked me on Saturday morning.  My answer.  Hell, no.  Why?  On my days off, I run boring errands (return stuff to stores, grocery shop, etc.) and clean, neither of which are of interest to my three year old.  Saturday morning started off okay, we played inside, I started the laundry, we watched Spookley the Square Pumpkin for the up-teenth time. 
Then it started.
 "Mommy, I gotta go pooooooop!  Come with me!"  My child has issues with poop so I knew that this was going to be a long drawn out episode.  After running back and forth to the bathroom twelve times with no luck, I decided that we could leave the house to start our trip to the grocery store.  My child also has issues with her opinion, meaning it's not the same as mine, when it comes to what she wants to wear.  She would rather live in pajamas and burn jeans and when I told her that she had to wear long pants and a long sleeved shirt to the store, she threw a fit.  A screaming, crying, leg pumping twenty minute fit.  Me - 1, Cameryn - 0.
I asked her to lay down and have some quiet time after our errands in hope that she would fall asleep and take a nap.  HAHAHAH!  What was I thinking?  Me - 1, Cameryn - 1.
A few more loads of laundry, a handful of more successful (but tiny) trips to the potty, and another tantrum about brownies later (Me - 2, Cameryn -1), we were ready to go for a walk and feed the ducks at the pond.  Oh, but wait, another forty minute scream fest is in the books because she didn't want to wear a jacket. 
At one point, I walked away from my child, sat down on the floor and started taking deep breaths.  And began counting.  One shot of vodka... two shots of vodka.... three shots of vodka... I didn't actually take the shots, but counting them down sure did help!  She did finally put a jacket on, but she didn't zip it up.  Me -3, Cameryn -1
Chris finally came home.  Cameryn went to bed promptly at 8pm.  Thank god.
Gamecocks win!

Today could be best summed up by saying:  CRAP.
Another morning of Spookley.  More issues with poop.  Six changes of clothes.  Six smelly loads of laundry.  Multiple tantrums regarding clothes.  Another morning of errands.  Cameryn did lay down and try to take a nap.  I had just finished baking 6 dozen cookies for Cameryn's party at school (recipe tomorrow!), when her door opens and she comes running across the house telling me SHE HAS TO GO RIGHT NOW!  Her bedroom is 3 steps away from the bathroom.  The kitchen is across the living room.  Obviously the bathroom was closer.  As I followed her into the bathroom, I can see that she's already had a large accident in her pants (number 7, oh boy!)  I tell her to be still so I can help her get undressed when it happens - The big piece of shit starts to fall out of her pants and onto the floor.  And I caught it.  I caught a cell phone sized steaming piece of shit with my hand.  And then I threw up.  After washing my hand 50 gazillion times, I sprayed it with Lysol.  (Me- FAIL, Cameryn- FAIL)

Shortly after that, my mom came over and Chris came home from work.  And I gave up.  I gave up all parenting responsibility because I caught a piece of shit with my hand and that exempts me from parent duties.  Until bedtime that is, when we had another run in with Cameryn not wanting to go to sleep.  Since Cameryn prefers to reside at the corner of Daddy Ave. and "SUCKA!" Rd., bedtimes usually consist of Cameryn coming out of her room and telling Chris what she needs while I roll my eyes until finally I cannot take it anymore and I tell her to go to bed or. else.  There was another issue with poop during the bedtime fight before it was all said and done and I made her wear a pull up. I was not playing crap catcher anymore. 

Issues. My kid has issues.

Today, I am (Lysol) clean.  And hoping that the week brings me many poop free days.

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