Full

9:03 PM

It's been a rough week around here. Cameryn is one second defiant and the next she is sobbing. I tell her one thing and she does the opposite. She stays up late because she doesn't want to go to sleep when I ask her to. She is tired and therefore grumpy, but only with me. She showers her daddy with hugs. This morning she was awake for 12 minutes before being sent back to her room for whining and crying because I wouldn't let her eat brownies for breakfast. And then, twenty minutes later she is crying because I am not going to she mother's data breakfast at her school... Never mind that she told me earlier that she didn't want to go, my leaving for work triggered her reaction. So we went to have breakfast together. I know it's me, because I am pregnant and I am for sure the one who is directly changing her life. It kills me. And, to make matters worse? She actually told me that my big belly makes her sad - because I cannot run and play with her like I used to. Because she cannot sit in my lap and lean back against me, because I cannot pick her up and carry her around. I feel guilty. Yes, I won't be pregnant forever, but these last few weeks of just the three of us shouldn't, in the perfect world in my head, be so difficult. While I knew that this wouldn't be a seamless transition, I didn't expect her to rebel against me and feel so sad. We have had few weekends in the past three months with nothing to do, this weekend is different. There is nothing on the agenda. No cleaning, laundry, or errands. I'm letting her lead the way and using this time for us to reconnect. My time, with her, is precious. It hasn't just been rough at home.


Work has thrown me a few curve balls as well. I've had my suspicions for several months that big changes were coming to our firm and today, my suspicions were confirmed. Where it leaves me, I don't know. Going on maternity leave is both a blessing and a curse for my job security. I am, however, going to explore the option of something new within the firm and see where it takes me, if the offer is presented. If only to give me a few months of breathing room until I can find something else.


Oh, and before I forget... Remember the roommates? Yeah, one of them is moving back in for two weeks. It wasn't my idea and I am still quite displeased with the situation, but my husband feels like it is the right thing to do. I disagree. I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and really don't need one more person to clean up after. Nor do I want the added stress of having another body in the house. I have enough going on without another warm body in the mix.


My plate feels full.

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