Fear

10:28 AM

Nightime with Cameryn has become a bit of a challange.  She is suddenly afraid of things that go bump in the night.  I'm sure that it's a phase, one that all three year old go through, but it's taxing nonetheless.  There are currently two nightlights in her room and she always asks me to turn on a third, to which I say no, I might as well leave her overhead light on!  This makes her little bottom lip quiver and she says, so quietly, "But what if something happens to me?"  I try to assure her that nothing will happen to her, that mommy and daddy would never let anything happen to her and that we aren't that far away.  We pray together and ask Jesus to keep us safe from harm.  And then?  Two nights ago she also asked Jesus if she could have Raider back. 

Que shattering heart! 

We all miss the big dog.  It's been almost a year since we had to put Raider down and we still haven't told her that he died, only that he went to heaven, to be with Jesus.  She'll pick up her book about dog heaven every now and then and we'll sit and read and cry.  I asked Chris if we should tell her that he died.  Last year she wasn't old enough to comprehend what was happening, but now, at 3 and a half, she understands that people and animals die.  Chris said no, that she still didn't need to know, that she was still too young, too fragile, to hear that.  Part of me agrees and I want to protect her, still, from knowing that Raider won't come back.  But seeing her, with her eyes closed, talking to Jesus, asking him if she can have Raider back now... that part of me needs her to know that he isn't coming back.  But, she also has this newfound fear of 'forever' things.  When we send her to her room for whining she cries out, "But I don't want to stay in my room forever!"  So, telling her that Raider won't come back, ever, just seems like more torture for her.

Poor Cam.  Three is such a tender age.

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