The Evolution of Me. (Part 3)

6:00 AM

I was fresh out, and felt like I had hit a wall head on, but I didn't let it stop me.  I decided to evaluate my daily interactions because this is where so much of my stress came from - how do they affect me long term?  I decided to put them in a bucket - would this matter in a year, month, next week, tomorrow, 5 minutes... Or, do I chuck it in the 'fuck it' bucket and move on?  That level of thinking made it easier for me to decide what was important and what truly deserved my time.

I learned the value of saying no.
No, I don't want to go to that place with you.
No, I don't want to spend the next hour watching some crap tv show.
No, I don't want to have this conversation with you at all.
No, I don't want to go hang out with that couple because you're friends with them and I have little in common with them at all.
No, I don't want to go to that restaurant because it makes me feel like crap when I leave.
No, I don't want to work with this client because it's what is best for both the client and for me.

Basically, if it didn't mean something to me or to someone that I loved deeply, I didn't do it.  No longer will I engage in a meaningless conversations with people that I don't give two thoughts about when the conversation ends.  I don't mean the little ones in the line at the grocery store, I mean the conversations with an acquaintance.  The conversations that are reactions to something that has been said or that has happened, that reactions that cause more harm than good.  At first, this new take on life seemed selfish and perhaps from the outsider, it does.

Long term, it's made life so. much. easier.

Being intentional is easy.

I walk away from conversations that I have little interest in.  Instead, I lean in.  I get to decide what conversations that I want to have and when I am in these convos, I pay attention.  I can put down my phone, the email, the book, turn of the music and focus on who or what is talking to me.
I don't get involved in other people's drama.  My 8 year old may be the next president of the high school drama club, but that doesn't mean that I want to join.  I can be a listening ear, but that's where it ends.  I can't take it home and let it simmer around inside.  Letting this drama consume my thoughts was toxic and I won't do it again.
I learned when to keep my mouth shut and when to voice my opinion.  I went back to the old saying of "Is it helpful?  Is it true?  Is it kind?"  If not, I shut up.  My opinion matters, hell yes, it matters, but it matters only when it is all three of those things.
I learned the power of the scroll and the power of a stroll.  Scroll through and walk away.

It's empowering, really.

My relationships with people have improved.
I am less distracted.
I am more focused on a single task when I take on a new challenge.
I am now the person that I needed when I was younger and needed a strong female role model.
I am there when people talk to me.  Really there.
I'm more in tune with who I am, what I want.

They say that everyone that comes into our life, whether they stick around or not, is there to teach us something.  I would have to agree.  The past year, with all of the feedback and sweet-n-sour interactions with people that I love, has taught me to channel my inner badass.  I understand that the only thing that holds me back, is me.  I have the power, the drive, the new kick-ass attitude to be a really good person, and it shows.

I teach my girls that they can breathe fire.  Now I believe it too.

I still rock my bracelet proudly.  Some people look at it and snarl.  I don't.  I look at it and feel empowered.  I may be "fresh out" but I also have a lot of love to give to those who want to give it back.

So, why now?  Why come clean now?

Why not now?  I have a cup of tea and some fuzzy socks.  I can rule the world if I want to.

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