Sing like never before...

10:51 AM

I went to church yesterday.  Alone.  Cameryn didn't want to go and Chris isn't one to want to go to church.

Chris and I were both baptised and had our first communion in the church.  He was raised Methodist and I was raised Lutheran.  Joining a local congregation was never important to us and then, sometime last year, I felt that not being a part of a congregation and having a place to woship was weighing on me.  Something has been missing in my life and my relationship with Christ has been suffering.  I need a place to go to feel peace, to find grace. 

I pray daily.  I talk with God.  But nothing compares to walking into the sanctuary and feeling His spirit.

Chris and I both agree that our children need to be raised in the church.  They need to have a relationship with Christ.  We both believe that our children need to be introduced to the church and Christ so that they can choose whether or not to continue their relationship with Him.

But, going to church falls on me.  Chris works all but one weekend a month so it's on me to get up and get both girls dressed on Sunday morning (we do not have Wednesday night service).  It's on me to make them feel comfortable in the church nursery and Sunday School.  It falls on me to introduce them to Christ, to help mold their relationship.

And I haven't.  I haven't done that.  Because it's hard.  It's hard to get them going on the weekend.  It's difficult for Cameryn to get excited about going to church since we haven't made it a habit since she has been born.  She doesn't understand how or why this is important.  So many excuses.

Saturday was hard.  Jordin is teething and has a nasty cold.  She's kept me up most of the week and I find myself completely sleep deprived by the time dawn arrives.  She wants me to constantly hold her and if I am not, she's just a whiny mess.  Cameryn has been full of sass and whine.  I was grumpy and wasn't the wife that I should have been to Chris.  I'm tired and complaining and I want it to stop.  Saturday was hard and I wanted to carve out just a little bit peace, for me, during the day.  When it didn't happen, I was upset and found myself having a little pity party on the couch. 

When Jordin got up for the sixth time at 3am, I found myself talking to God and asking him for guidance and calm.  And when I awoke yesterday morning, I announced that I was going to church.  My husband knew that finding our home congregation was on my "wish list" for 2013 so he just said okay.  I knew that he wouldn't go because though he is a believer, he doesn't like actually going.  He doesn't feel the need to go because he believes.  I don't push it.  I asked Cameryn if she wanted to go and because daddy wasn't, she didn't.  I left the baby (who was still in a foul mood) and I went to church, alone. 

And I loved it.  I found myself tearing up at one point and I'm not sure why but later, someone told me that it was because His spirit was working inside of me.  I like that.  The minister must have known that I was coming because he said during the sermon, "What's the one thing that you need today?  Coffee?  Quiet?  Peace?  A moment alone? God will provide that for you."  And it's true, He will.  And yesterday, for those two hours that I was gone, it was true.  He did.

I know that by going I set the example for my children.  I know that once I begin going on a weekly basis, that Cameryn will want to go.  That once my children get excited about it that they will want Chris to go when he is home.  I know, eventually, we will all go as a family.

But right now, going alone, it's enough.  I found peace for a few hours yesterday.

You have to start somewhere.

Now, I cannot stoping singing this song.  Over and over. 


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